Saturday 5 March 2011

Rant 740 / Size And Position

I cannot tell if this is true, so let's go down the list one by one.

It's pretty hard to tell these days, what with tight jeans, "manscaping" and stores that specialize in making the average Singaporean dude look like a lubricated human glowstick.

Nope. I prefer dull colours and non-tight pants.

The most recent objects of our attention were two guys in a restaurant booth next to ours, heads bent over the table, giggling over something on an iPhone, and basically acting like a pair of teenage girls. 
The keyword here is "giggling". That's just plain wrong. If that happened, I can't blame her for losing faith in Singaporean men. Shit, I would too.

To be fair, survivors of the post-apocalyptic desert that is the local dating scene might think me unnecessarily harsh, but after a lifetime living overseas, a girl can get pretty accustomed to some good chat. This elusive creature is almost non-existent in Singapore, save for a specific demographic of guys who know how to make a conversation tick. 

True for myself, but I've never regarded myself as normal.

Even worse, guys here don't really like girls who can. Case in point: at a friend's birthday party, the debate-happy side of me got slightly carried away in a conversation about music, and a guy actually said: "Um ... are you just like this? All the time?"

Now that I don't understand why. Why would you dislike girls who can talk? And why is the guy so concerned about it?

The reality of the situation is, guys here just aren't used to dealing with a little spunk. Whether this is because of society's more conservative inclinations or a very Singaporean aversion to healthy conflict, studies have shown that people here are content to marry someone they don't even like.

Two conditions here actually. First, guys don't like girls who can debate. Second, people are willing to marry someone they don't like.

The first point, for me, depends on whether she's debating with me online or off. Offline, I always agree and avoid arguments. Real life debates are simply too rapid for my slow mind. Online, I can research and think about my response at my own pace.

As for the second, doesn't that mean they're getting married just for the sex? If that's the case, well, the ladies should really beware of local men. Those men who do that, fck you!

Retired professor and relationship expert David Olson explained that people here are "afraid to say what they think and are afraid to disagree." 

I beg to differ!

Oh wait, I feel so un-Singaporean now. Or maybe that's why he's "retired".

Personally, I blame the men. There are plenty of traditional old Chinese men in my family who just can't compute when it comes to dealing with a modern career-minded woman, much less a woman who speaks her mind.

I don't know enough local fathers to judge, but I think that's just her family.

There are a few perks to shopping at the local guy market. There's still an archaic sense of chivalry here that involves a lot of hand-holding, constant accompaniment, and this weird phenomenon of couples collapsed on each other in public places, as if they're both asleep.

The latter is a particularly fascinating physical example of the tragicomically codependent dynamic that defines many local relationships.

Guys here are either alpha-male dominant and aggressive (hello, CBD business crowd) or totally whipped -- there's hardly a visible demographic in between.

As far as I can tell, she's probably right. I wouldn't say it's always the guys who want to, because sometimes it seems the girls expect it as a matter-of-course. I can't stand that "constant accompaniment" part though.

Okay, fine, so it's not exactly easy to be a guy in Singapore. Women expect a lot of you these days ... having your own place, preferably with a car and a couple of credit cards thrown in.




The sad fact is that many guys here still can't come to terms with gender equality. From experience, the hyper-masculine set still don't take a woman's view seriously. And for the submissive man-wife, the message here is: grow a pair. Don't wait for someone to grow them for you.

Not for me. I believe in gender equality. When you open the door or pull out the chair for them, you're implying that they can't do it on their own, therefore implying that they are weaker than you.

Fck sexists. Modern women are strong. Stop holding the doors open or carrying their stuff for them! They're not handicapped. And why are there no urinals in the ladies washrooms? Fcking sexist architects.



On a more serious note, I do know guys who should fall under the "man-wife" category.

And I wouldn't take this too seriously. I'd say the ladies should be more concerned with their spouses' fidelity after 10-15 years of marriage. Faith alone isn't going to cut it.

The lecturer in that law class told us this divorce story during the lesson on Women's Charter. Oh btw, the only group that does not benefit from the Women's Charter is really the househusbands.

Anyway she told us about this woman whose husband committed adultery and even admitted as much, but she refused to believe he would leave her (probably because he told her long ago he would love her forever or something along that line). She forgave him and waited for him, cleaning the home and all that (y'know, housewife stuff) thinking he would come back one day. Three years later, he filed for divorce (since that's the earliest for separated couples) but she refused to believe he was serious and did not give her consent. No divorce.

But he filed again the next year. Because after 4 continuous years of separation the Women's Charter allows the divorce to go through as long as one party wants it, he succeeded. Things got pretty bad after that.

As for why adultery was not the reason for the divorce, it's because when the guy does it, the woman's the one who has to initiate the divorce. In this case, the woman lived in denial (or had a strong faith in him) for 4 years.

Finally, after reading the entire article, it sounds like someone's having problems finding the right guy. But she did have a point.


The laws for divorces in the Women's Charter are pretty simple. The only ground for divorce is "irretrievable breakdown of marriage". This has to be caused by adultery, unreasonable behaviour, desertion or separation.

Adultery and unreasonable behaviour, once proven, allows divorce to be filed immediately.

Desertion means one party disappears and cannot be contacted at all. Basically, poof. After 2 continuous years of that, the remaining partner can file for divorce.

Separation is slightly more complicated. After 3 continuous years of separation, divorce can be allowed if both sides are willing. After 4 continuous years of it, divorce is allowed even if one side does not give his/her consent.

See the 2-3-4 pattern?

Also, divorce isn't allowed within the first three years of a marriage. Technically you can try filing for it but the court will never allow it to go through unless it can be proven that one party is severely depraved or he/she is going through severe hardship.

By severe, it means it has practically driven one partner to honestly prefer suicide over continuing the marriage. Only then will the court give special permission to the plaintiff to file for divorce.

Basically that means that if a Singaporean couple wants to get a divorce within the first three years, it literally has to be a matter of life-and-death.








So Blogger is advertising to us bloggers this company that prints blogs into books. I went to check it out and tried to include all 739 rants. Too many pages, can't print.

So I tried only 2 years, '09 and '10. Same result.

Finally I used only 2010 rants. Still too many pages. Just the list of contents alone took 22 pages.










I like this idea. The 401(k) is the American's CPF, ie the government-controlled retirement fund. A 401(k) plan and health insurance in the afterlife. Best afterlife ever. Do they also get life insurance?

And how would it feel to go through puberty for eternity?






Ok, so I normally don't give a damn about sound quality (only directionality). What surprised me is how I little of a damn I give until I listen to music, which I had just tried to do.

I was trying to listen to L'Estasi Dell Oro in this blog. Tried to. What happened was that I heard only complete silence, then some very light beats... followed by the chorus... or at least the high-pitch parts.

So I've absolutely no bass coming from this single earphone. Yes, I'm still using this broken earphone coz I'm too lazy to get new ones.

And I didn't even notice. I mean, I knew it was softer but I didn't notice it was this bad until now.

I think I'll get a pair of speakers and some new earphones at the IT Show 2011 next Sunday. Sunday is the last day so I may find some good discounts there. The only downside of going on the last day is that things get sold out but since I don't have anything specific in mind, it doesn't matter to me.

Speakers, earphones... and maybe another 3.5" 1TB external HDD to replace the one that just died.


Maybe not. Let's see if I can take the broken earphone apart and perhaps I can jury-rig another earphone into the ear-hook.

Taking apart was easy. It was held together by a minuscule amount of glue and the wire was easily cut with a wire cutter.

How I'm going to put a new earphone together with the hook is the hard part. I'm currently holding my phone's earbuds with the hook and I should think about this further. Haven't taken apart the working earphone just in case this doesn't work out.

Managed to tie them together with a piece of wire but the earbud's cord was too short. The other pair of earphones I have is too big for my ears. Looks like I really have to visit the IT Show.

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